


Is this Love?

by silvermoonwulf



Series: Finding Eden [2]
Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, More angst, Reki Joe and Cherry are mentioned briefly, SK8, Sk8 tournament, adam realises his mistakes, but it might be too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoonwulf/pseuds/silvermoonwulf
Summary: It's tournament time and Adam might end up losing everything for a win.
Relationships: Kikuchi Tadashi & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Series: Finding Eden [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186790
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	Is this Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Please read part 1 first if you haven't already :)

It had been a week since Tadashi’s disappearance. A week since what went down at Ainosuke’s office and the more time passed, the more restless Ainosuke was beginning to get.

He knew Tadashi would never back down from his promise to take the fall for Ainosuke in the Takano case with the cops. But at this point, Ainosuke hardly cared about the case or what would happen in the future. All he needed was to see Tadashi once and make sure he was okay.

And in the past seven days, Ainosuke had also fired seven people who had tried to fill in Tadashi’s post. He knew he had no choice because his aunts were in charge of the hiring, but Ainosuke could fire them saying how they weren’t even close to Tadashi when it came to catering to Ainosuke’s needs.

If he was being honest with himself, Ainosuke knew having Tadashi around was a comfort he had grown into over the past few years. He would lash his anger out on him, and Tadashi would take it without as much as a grunt. He was privy to all of Ainosuke’s secrets- things he said out loud and things he didn’t say out loud. And no matter what, Tadashi always knew.

Since he was gone, Ainosuke felt like he had lost all the air around him to be able to breathe. Not to mention the insomnia was beginning to take a toll too.

Ainosuke knew he needed Tadashi to survive, he just didn’t know where to find him.

The breakfast this morning was not agreeing with him either. Ainosuke had hardly slept for two hours last night, trying to call Tadashi back to back like he had done for the past seven nights. But each time, he was directed to voicemail.

Since the first time he’d met Tadashi, Ainosuke hadn’t been away from him for this long. He remembered clearly that when he had gone to the US for his studies, his aunts had decided that it was best for him to experience this alone. Four days after arriving in the US and being away from Tadashi, Ainosuke knew he couldn’t do it anymore if Tadashi wasn’t around. So he had faked his sickness, forcing his aunts to change their decision. Six days after Ainosuke arrived in the US, Tadashi did too.

And now Ainosuke was lost and Tadashi was nowhere to be found.

There was a frustration building inside of Ainosuke and he knew that the longer he held on to it, the more devastating its release would be. He knew he needed to find Tadashi soon.

“Are you listening, Ainosuke?” a faint voice reached him and he looked up from the glass of juice he was staring at for the past ten minutes.

“Hmm?”

“I am asking if there is any development with finding Tadashi” his youngest aunt asked.

Ainosuke shook his head. “Not yet”

The woman shook her head in disapproval and looked at her older sister. “These ungrateful bastards” she said. “You do everything for them and this is how they pay you back”

Ainosuke breathed out loud, hiding his hands that had curled into fists. He started at the plate of untouched breakfast in front of him. Had Tadashi been here, he would have reminded Ainosuke to eat his meals properly and Ainosuke would ignore him only to find coffee and sandwich on his office desk upon arrival.

It was not like Ainosuke didn’t like to eat his meals. It was just that he didn’t like to eat them with his aunts. And despite never having told Tadashi that, he knew. He always knew.

His older aunt nodded at what her sister had said and turned to Ainosuke. “This is why I kept telling you to keep your distance from such low lives. Look what he has done. Who is supposed to take the fall for the false testimony in the assembly now? That piece of shit decided to backstab us just when we needed him the most”

Ainosuke lost it.

“Enough!” he yelled, standing up as he banged his fist so hard on the glass table, it broke to pieces. His aunts stared at him, speechless.

Ainosuke fumed, taking heavy breaths and trying to calm down. His hands were still curled into tight fists, the right, bleeding from the tiny shards of glasses that had pierced into it. A flow of thick crimson tainted the rug below his feet but Ainosuke had no care for it.

“Wh… what is wrong with you?” the younger aunt asked.

Ainosuke wanted to kill everyone in the room but looking at the scared faces of his aunts, Ainosuke found the flames of his anger burning out.

He gave one final look at the mess he’d made, ran his left hand through his hair and adjusted his tie on his neck. “I’ll see you tonight” he said like he always did after breakfast, except this time, the words sounded more like a threat.

A week later from that, Ainosuke had dealt with the stages of grief in a very chaotic order. He had been angry first, and then tried to bargain with Tadashi but the fact that he was still unreachable, launched him into the stage of anger again and he was now in the onset of denial.

Tadashi could go fuck himself for all he wanted. Ainosuke didn’t care anymore. All he cared about was the skateboarding tournament, a first in eight years that he had announced over two weeks ago. Back then, he had thought Tadashi would be by his side when he went on his journey as Adam to find his Eve, but now that didn’t seem probable.

It didn’t matter anyway, he was at the Crazy Rock and the tournament would start any minute now. This was all that was there to look forward to. This was all that gave Ainosuke _some_ peace.

The tournament began and the groups skated their way through the tracks one after the other, and the results were just as Ainosuke had expected. None of them were even close to breaking his record. Ainosuke thought he’d be disappointed again, considering how no one seemed to be at par with his talent, but when the final group found it’s winner, beating Ainosuke’s record, his belief shook.

What shook him more was when he realized that the winner of the final group was none other than the man who had served him for years - Tadashi Kikuchi.

Crazy Rock filled with murmurs, wondering who this mysterious man was who had beaten Adam’s record. All they knew was his S-name, Snake. None of them had seen him before or heard of him before.

The anger Ainosuke had been living with for the past few days, came swarming in suddenly. He walked over to where Tadashi was and yanked him by the arm until they were far away from everyone else and in the safe confines of an abandoned building.

When Tadashi stood in front of him, Ainosuke wanted to punch some sense into him. He wanted to yell and have a fist fight until both were either exhausted or dead. He wanted to know where he had been these past two weeks, why hadn’t he picked up any of Ainosuke’s calls, why hadn’t he returned but Ainosuke knew asking these questions would make him seem weak. He had already exposed himself when he told Tadashi that he loved him, only to be walked out on. He was never going to repeat that mistake again.

“What is the meaning of this?” Ainosuke asked instead.

Tadashi’s face was hidden under a red cap and Ainosuke hated how he couldn’t see his face.

“Why are you here?” Ainosuke asked, feeling the anger reaching every corner of his body.

Tadashi still did not answer and it fueled Ainosuke’s rage even more. He rushed to where Tadashi was and knocked the cap off his head. “Answer me” he yelled.

“I am here to give you what you want” Tadashi said. “You wanted to find your Eve, didn’t you? I will give you that chance now”

Ainosuke didn’t understand.

“You want to win so desperately, Ainosuke, that you’ve sold off your humanity” Tadashi continued. “When I win, you will renounce skateboarding”

This made Ainosuke laugh. “You think breaking my record is enough to win against me?”

“You’re forgetting Ainosuke” Tadashi said in a firm voice. “It was I who taught you to how to skate”

Ainosuke didn’t like the sound of this. He liked to be in charge and he hated how suddenly Tadashi had all the power between them just because Ainosuke had made the mistake of calling his desperation, love.

But was it desperation? If Tadashi did win, wouldn’t it mean he was the Eve Ainosuke had always been looking for?

That’s when the denial set in.

No, Tadashi was a mistake. He was just help. He was a support system Ainosuke had for so long, he had mistaken his dependency for love. Ainosuke didn’t love Tadashi, he only missed the presence of something constant in his life.

When Ainosuke walked out of the abandoned building, he was sure more than ever that he needed to win.

The pre final beef began with eight participants.

For this round, all eight of them would compete one on one, rounding up four finalists who would go into the semifinals.

The winner of the first was Shadow in the showdown between him and a guy named Harry.

From the second group which was a race between Joe and Langa, Joe won.

The third group was won by Snake in a race between Miya and him.

And from the fourth group, between Adam and Cherry, Adam won.

In the next beef which was the semifinals, Adam was paired against Shadow and Snake against Joe. And when the semifinals ended, it was Adam vs Snake in the finals.

Everything was set. Ainosuke was sure that he’d win. There was no way Tadashi would dare to cross him. Even then, for some reason, Ainosuke was nervous. Was it because Tadashi was already in the finals with him when he had thought he’d be eliminated in any of the previous rounds? No, it couldn’t be that. It was probably just the fact that he was doing this for the first time in eight years. There was no need for him to be nervous because in his mind, he knew he was the winner. If anything, Ainosuke was disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to find his Eve this time as well.

The route for the final stage was longer and more difficult than the preliminary rounds. The participants would have to skate through various hurdles with the final one being on the edges of a cliff, the same one that had caused the first major injury of a skater, forcing Ainosuke to move to the US for his further studies.

Ainosuke was beginning to feel excited. He hadn’t taken this route while skating since the accident eight years ago. The skater back then was the closest Ainosuke had been to finding his Eve but when he slipped off the edges and crashed down, Ainosuke felt like he was being cheated. All he wanted to do was love someone truly, like his family loved him. But all he ever got in return was weak opponents who weren’t even worthy of being called rivals, let alone his other half.

He glanced at Tadashi who was standing next to him and something huge and heavy churned in his stomach.

This would be fine, right?

It wouldn’t end up like last time, would it?

“Withdraw now” Ainosuke said in a low yet stern voice. “This is for you own good”

Tadashi adjusted the cap he was wearing and stared back at Adam. “I am not backing out”

“Why the fuck are you being so stubborn all of a sudden? You know the route’s dangerous. It might kill you”

Tadashi’s face didn’t reveal anything Ainosuke could pick up. “Since when do you care what happens to me?” he asked. “Even if I die, it won’t be worse than the life you’ve made me live”

The words hit Ainosuke hard.

The lights turned red, one after the other and he was still wrapped around Tadashi’s words when Tadashi launched his skateboard forward.

“Fuck” Ainosuke muttered and jumped right after.

Tadashi was skating at tremendous speed and for the first time in a very long time, Ainosuke found it difficult to keep up. How was he still so good without any practice?

Back when they were kids and when Tadashi had moved into the staff quarters with his father, Ainosuke was a shy kid who did not talk to anyone unless he was spoken to.

The first night when Tadashi found him, Ainosuke was hiding in the shed behind his house after a beating he’d received from his aunts. He was alone and on the verge of crying because he didn’t understand what he’d done wrong. He had studied very hard and even then, he had placed second in his class. His aunts had reprimanded him, saying members of this family never lost to anyone and if he needed to understand this, he needed to be punished.

Ainosuke’s hands throbbed from all the bruises his aunts left on his arms and he had been running his fingers over them when Tadashi found him.

“Who are you?” was the first question he had asked.

Ainosuke had looked up to see a boy of his age, holding a flat board with wheels in his arms. “I am Ainosuke” he had said shyly but he did not ask anything back. He was allowed to ask questions. That was one of the rules of the house.

But he didn’t have to because the next moment, Tadashi had found a seat next to Ainosuke. “I am Tadashi.” He had said with a smile but the smile faded the moment he saw the bruises on Ainosuke’s arms. “Who did that to you?”

Ainosuke had hurriedly hidden his arms and Tadashi didn’t ask him about it ever again. Instead, he asked something Ainosuke didn’t even know he’d come so love so much, he’d destroy everything else in the pursuit of. “Do you want to go skateboarding?”

That night, after they were done skating for a few hours, Tadashi had rushed into his house and brought back ice rapped in a piece of cloth to help with the bruising on Ainosuke’s arms.

Back then, Tadashi was taller than him and Ainosuke hadn’t even noticed when he’d grown past Tadashi. But that was a time so long gone, the only thing left was the hurt from them falling apart. 

Once, they were so close and now, Tadashi seemed unreachable.

A sharp turn broke Ainosuke’s chain of thoughts and he tried to slow down a little to be able to follow the route, but Tadashi didn’t seem to be showing any signs of reducing his speed.

Tadashi wanted to play dangerously. Too bad for him because Ainosuke had mastered his game years ago.

He paced up, cutting short on turns and saving time and in the next few seconds, he was already skating alongside Tadashi.

“I won’t let you win” he said and sped past Tadashi.

The next hurdle was the cliff and the multiple turns around it where neither could risk slowing down because the one who did, lost.

Tadashi was somewhere behind him now and there was no way he would be able to skate past Ainosuke.

The road around the cliff kept getting narrower until Ainosuke reached the point where the last person to skate with him had met with a tragic accident.

For a second, Ainosuke wanted to stop but Tadashi wasn’t far behind. If he wanted to win, he knew he needed to keep going because if Tadashi won, Ainosuke would have to renounce all of this, meaning he would never be able to find his Eve again.

Shaking himself out of the thought, Ainosuke sped past the turn with precision and speed unlike anything he’d shown before. Yes, he was going to win. And he was going to make sure Tadashi knew who the true champion was.

Without glancing back, Ainosuke rushed through the rest of the remaining route, crossing the finish line and creating a new self-record.

He turned, to look at Tadashi arriving any minute but no one came. Only then did Adam register the silence of the crowd around him. No one was applauding his win, no one was congratulating him or celebrating the end of the tournament. Instead, they all stared at him with blank eyes.

What was happening?

Just then, a boy with flaming red hair and a bandana around his forehead walked up to him.

“Are you satisfied?”

Ainosuke tilted his head. “And who are you?”

“Reki Kyan”

Ainosuke scratched his chin. “Kyan…. Why do I know that name?”

Reki looked at Ainosuke with nothing but hatred in his eyes. “Because the last guy you did this to, was my older brother”

Ainosuke’s eyes widened. Yes, he remembered that name. Eight years ago, the guy who ended up having an accident, was named Kyan too. But what did this boy mean when he said Ainosuke did something to someone?

And then, all of reality came crashing down.

He realized that the reason Tadashi hadn’t shown up yet was…

The drive to the hospital was maddening. Ainosuke still didn’t know how he was alive and in one piece. He rushed in, without caring for the voices asking him to stop. He crashed into people on his way to the nurse station but he was too lost to apologize.

Joe and Cherry had driven Tadashi to the hospital immediately, like they knew this was going to happen. They knew, and perhaps everyone else did too, so why didn’t Ainosuke? No, that was a lie. He knew it too, he just didn’t care to indulge with the tiny voice in his head that was telling him to stop all this nonsense and to stop Tadashi from participating in the race because he knew this would happen.

The nurse at the station told Ainosuke that Tadashi was taken to an emergency surgery and Ainosuke felt the world shatter under his feet.

What had he done?

Who the fuck was he trying to convince when he told himself that he didn’t love Tadashi? Because if he didn’t, and if something happened to Tadashi, why did it feel like Ainosuke would die too?

He sunk on the floor, striving for breath when a familiar voice reached his ears.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Joe” Ainosuke said, rushing to him. “Where is Tadashi?”

Cherry walked up behind Joe and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Not here, Joe” Cherry said and Joe let his anger slip out with a heavy breath.

“Tadashi is in surgery” Joe said instead. “There is some internal bleeding and severe trauma to his back and spine”

Ainosuke took a few steps away from them until his body hit against a wall. “This is all my fault”

“Yes, it is” Joe said in brutal honesty. “This is all your fault. What happened eight years ago, what is happening now, it is all your fault Adam. How long will you continue to destroy people’s lives for your own amusement?”

Cherry didn’t interrupt this time. This was something that needed to be said.

“Are you happy?” Joe asked and Ainosuke finally looked at him. The kid, Reki, had also asked him something similar. “Is this enough entertainment for you or you’ll only be satisfied when someone actually dies?”

Ainosuke didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want any of this. He didn’t want anyone to die. All he had ever wanted was to find an equal, someone he could love. But not like this. This wasn’t love. Tadashi could die. And it was Ainosuke’s fault. How could something like this be love?

“You won, Adam” Cherry said after a while. “But at what cost?”

Upon Joe’s insistence, Ainosuke went back home because first, he wasn’t sure if Tadashi wanted to see him and second, no one wanted him there.

The first thing he encountered when he reached home was his aunts. This time all three of them were huddled in the living room, waiting for Ainosuke.

“Where have you been?” the oldest aunt asked.

Any other day, Ainosuke would have lied. But he was tired and on the verge of giving up. “I was out skating”

The oldest one turned to her sisters. “Didn’t I say that leech was a bad influence on Ainosuke?”

The other two sisters nodded in agreement. The middle one then butted in. “He’s at the hospital, isn’t he?”

Ainosuke didn’t reply. He was trying to use the remaining of his energy on keeping his anger in check.

“Serves him right” the youngest one said. “Lowlife bastards like him get what they deserve sooner or later”

“Heard it’s an injury to the spine. He wanted to run, didn’t he, let’s see how far he goes with his body paralyzed” the oldest said.

Ainosuke’s eyes widened in horror. “What did you say?”

“The chairman of the hospital called to inform us of the status when he saw you there” the middle one said. “The scum is paralyzed neck down”

The youngest aunt laughed at this. “Now is the best time to pin everything related to the Takano case onhim.”

The oldest one sighed in dissatisfaction. “Let’s just hope he dies, all our problems would be sol…”

She didn’t get to complete her sentence because when Ainosuke heard his aunt praying for Tadashi’s death, he didn’t listen to reason anymore. He crossed the distance almost instantly and before his aunt could finish saying what she intended so, Ainosuke landed a hard slap across her face.

The impact was such that the woman crumbled on the floor with a dizzy vision.

“Ainosuke what is wrong with you?” the youngest asked, rushing to her sister to help her up.

“How dare you hit your aunt?” the middle one asked but when all eyes turned towards Ainosuke, their blood ran cold.

Ainosuke stood there, smiling. “Don’t worry, I didn’t hit you because I hate you. I did it because I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> UGH I LOVED WRITING THE LAST PART HUHU
> 
> Find me on twitter here [Toorutoshi](https://twitter.com/toorutoshi)


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